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Saturday, 1 November 2014

trying to make a private life for a while

okay. since last week my sister had this problem where I was kinda involved in it? long story short is that someone was impersonating Bindul for this past 2 years. oh not just impersonating but harassing other people's relationship and I was involved due to being able to talk to one of the victim's friend or should i say partner in crime with impersonator. who knows? and that made us decide to make everything private in our internet life. We've already did a report about this, both at the police station and SKMM (MCMC). so currently, we're waiting for the result and hopefully we'll get to know who did this. I'll be back after everything's okay.

oh and greetings November!

Tschuss! :)

Reflection

sometimes I think part of my life can be summarize in a song and the song that would describe it well would be Reflection from Disney's Mulan.
Look at me, I may never pass for a perfect bride, or a perfect daughter. Can it be,
I'm not meant to play this part
?
Now I see, that if I were truly to be myself,
I would break my family's heart
.

Who is that girl I see, staring straight back at me? Why is my reflection someone I don't know? Who is that perfect bride? It's not me, though I've tried.
When will my reflection show, who I am, inside
?
How I pray, that a time will come,
I can free myself, from their expectations
On that day, I'll discover someway to be myself,
and to make my family proud.
They want a docile lamb,
No-one knows who I am.
Must there be a secret me,
I'm forced to hide?
Must I pretend that I am someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show, who I am inside?
When will my reflection show, who I am inside?
I know that nobody's perfect but sometimes - from what I've experienced - people wanted you to be that perfect in everything even when they didn't meant it that way. you could listen to their words describing how you should be and how you should act. Its tiring really. especially when you're the first daughter in my side of the family and you didn't achieve anything while your siblings can get what they want.

i just hope things will get better for me. May Allah will always guide me to His and the right path with the bless of by loving His Prophet's Muhammad SAW.  i think i need a bit of strength to handle my life. Aamiin Ya Rabb.

Monday, 6 October 2014

Wish List : Secret Room(s) for my future house

As I was scrolling through my newsfeed on facebook, I found this particular link from Architecture & Design and it was about secret rooms. Honestly, I'm really a big fan of having my own secret room or compartments that I can make for my future house which I really cant wait! :D well who doesn't really, right? here are some of the rooms that I'd like to have one day :)

I really love this because I would love to have a reading space of my own and i think this clearly says "Do Not Disturb. I'm in my own world." ;)

 and this? well who wouldn't love a small office or working desk in your room behind the cupboard door? I mean obviously it is quiet, no one will bother you unless they have to, I think making covers in that small room will project more of my voice, it's simple yet cheeky and why not? so this is an absolute must have for my future life. 

sigh. when I saw photos like this made me eager to have my own future now but as we are currently on the present time, I think I should live my life and study more even if I'm still waiting for the applications. but still I can't wait to have my own house with my dearly beloved future husband and this, i can't wait for that too! haha


Sunday, 28 September 2014

Keys in life

Istighfar
Sabar
Rendah Hati
Takwa
Insya Allah. You can do this Mina. Have faith in Allah.


Now I know what it means...

thank you Mr. Google!

okay. Recently, I have this problem where I'm stuck in between right and wrong, true and false etc. then my Abah, who is my non biological father that I love dearly, said to me;
"What she said was never the same as what was in her heart. Poor her. Do pray for her. Ditelan mati emak, diluah mati bapa. Insya Allah abah pray to Allah for everyone."
 and that phrase literally got me thinking because i'm not that good in peribahasa. I only got a B for my Bahasa Malaysia. So i did some google-ing and i found this;
"Keadaan yang amat serba salah. Peribahasa ini cukup untuk menggambarkan satu situasi dimana manusia berada dalam keadaan tersepit di antara dua keadaan atau antara dua pihak atas sebab-sebab tertentu. Mak dan bapak atau lebih manis disebut ibu ayah adalah satu contoh untuk menceritakan bahawa kedua-duanya adalah sama penting, sama bernilai. Tuhan menjadikan setiap ujian itu manusia dapat pikul, tak ada yang melebihi kemampuan manusia. usaha, tawakal dan berdoa pada Tuhan. kita tunggu dan lihat. manusia yang beriman akan sentiasa yakin akan pertolongan Tuhan. kalo kita buat salah, kena berani tanggung. kerana manusia tidak lari dari melakukan kesilapan. kalo tak pernah buat, itu bukan manusia. kalo apa yang kita buat itu betul, tidak perlu takut, sebab kebenaran akan mengatasi kebatilan. kebenaran itu adalah haq. kalo apa yang kita buat itu kita rasa betul, akan ada ganjaran dari Tuhan yang akan kita peroleh."
and this;

Peribahasa

Dimakan mati emak, diluahkan mati bapa.

Takrif

Menghadapi sesuatu masalah yang sangat sulit; dalam keadaan yang serba salah. (Peribahasa lain yang sama makna: a. Bagai bertemu [= makan] buah si malakamo: dimakan mati bapa, tidak dimakan mati ibu, b. Bagai memegang buah kepantangan beruk: ditelan mati emak, diludahkan mati bapa, c. Bak membelah kepayang muda: dimakan mabuk, dicampak sayang, d. Digenggam takut mati, dilepaskan takut terbang, e. Dikatakan mati emak, tak dikatakan mati bapa, f. Seperti Kur'an [Quan] buruk: dibaca tak boleh dipersebarangan dosa).

Sumber

Kamus Istimewa Peribahasa Melayu

It is true that i fell guilty but I'm pretty damn sure I didn't do anything wrong and if i do, i admit that its my fault. but this year was hectic enough for me because i still dont have anywhere to go for my further studying and because of my stupid head i felt sorry for everyone. i felt sorry for myself. i felt sorry that i'm not good enough. i felt sorry that i'm not smart enough. i felt sorry that i was not my sister. i felt sorry for being their daughter. i felt sorry for being stupid and always argue her. i even felt sorry for being in the same house as her.

i'm tired and i hate fighting with her. i tried my best to make sure that nothing will cause me to argue with her. really do. but in the end, she did something that would always made me go crazy. how am i not suppose to be mad? it hurts me a lot and she did it tons of times. in the past, i would definitely go passionless or emotionless whenever she's around and said something that would hurt me and i never get to tell her that because she was the one who bore me.

how am i suppose to say what i feel to her when she never listens? she always said that i'm the type of person who would suppress my own feelings and its true but sometimes keeping them in is like trying to tame a fiery beast that would just go nuts and break myself. how am i suppose to tell her that?

Abah said physically, i'm more like my father but spiritually, i'm more to my mother. and i actually do understand that. when i look in the mirror, i could only see the girl version of my father but my mouth was hers. other than that, i can feel some parts of my mother's inside me. whenever she told me about her stories, i felt that way too but i never tell her. because i think she's always right when it comes to this.

Up until now, i was never the daughter that could bring her happiness. i never see her genuine smile as she did to my sister. they rarely argue and they always laugh whenever they're together. maybe, just maybe or what if, i was...never hers? could it be always that perfect family she ever wanted? could she be more happy than she ever had? if so, i'd be gladly because i really do want her to be happy. i want her to have none argue family that she always wanted. the family tat she could dream of.

did you know i actually thought of marrying? because if that happens, i will never be under my parents rules. my sins and my reward would be on my husband. anything i do would be under my husband. but then, is that really what i want?

i thought about going to sekolah pondok. i don't know. trying to rehabilitate spiritually about myself. trying to learn what are my purposes in life other than to Allah and His Rasulullah SAW. or is that really it? just be patient with her and pray to Allah and let Him guide me in every way? well hey! i think i found some answers for that. i'm gonna stick with Allah. Doa and Tawakal. He will help. have faith in Him. May Allah bless you Mina. you need that.

anyways, if you're reading this to here, you're reading what comes to mind LIVE. this is not edited, no double thinking. just straight from the heart and mind.

Monday, 8 September 2014

#20FactsAboutMe

well hello there dear blog.... i think its been a while since i last posting stuff here and the only reason i could tell you is that i'm definitely busy with helping my mum at home. literally. and i think i may have forgotten about the existence of my laptop because the only thing that i would get online without my laptop is my phone and my phone is everywhere with me *i'm so sorry dear laptop >.<*

as much as i love to write posts on instagram, twiter and facebook on my phone but its not fun trying to write something on your phone where basically the phone would rang with texts and all. it will divert my writing ideas and focus more on texting which is why i've deleted the blog app. it'll ruin the mood of writing. for me, its much better writing using your laptop where all the fingers will interact with one another and ideas will came blasting into your head. which is more enjoyable :D

anyways, here are some facts about me that i've posted on instagram and i'd love to share it here. some might not accept the way or how i handle with my life and honestly, everyone has their own opinions in their life and this is mine. i respect everyone's opinions and so should you :)

  1. I have a cat named Kulub. It was named from one of the Hantu Tok Mudim's character where Sofi Jikan acted as Lebai Kulub. We thought if it was male, we'd named it Kulub and if female, it would be Sofi. The movie was hilarious though.
  2. The shortest in the family. Obviously...
  3. I don't talk a lot when I'm around people who didn't know me well. Sometimes I do and it depends on the mood of talking but most of the time I don't. Sorry
  4. I love to read and when I read, I will not talk to anyone...even my cat lol 
  5. I'm the Cinderella in the family because I fit into every clothes my brother and sister have hehehe except for their shoe wear
  6. I love photography! though I don't own any digital cameras and all I have is my phone and my instax7s yet it won't stop me from taking pictures because just because you don't have one DSLR etc, doesn't mean can't be one
  7. I have a weird habit where I collect whatever items (rock, receipts, straw, tissue, chocolate/candy wrapping etc) whenever a great memory happened to me on that day. 
  8. I love makeups! My favourite makeup guru is @klairedelys. She's one amazing artist. Really love her work. But honestly, I only wear the basics when I'm out and on special occasions I'll use what I learn from her and other makeup gurus.
  9. My favorite colours are black, purple, white and silver but currently loving the colour of red and maroon.
  10. The only football match that I seriously watched was every Deutsch game on World Cup 2010 up until I went to UiTM at the end of June #GoGermany!
  11. My cooking specialty is pasta. More to spaghetti and lasagna~ though I can cook other food but pasta's my favorite
  12. I don't drink coffee because I hate the after breath smell and my dad won't let me drink it…until recently. It taste soo good! ☕
  13. I have the fear of getting a really bad body odour even if I've applied deodorant, body spray and some perfume
  14. The only few channels that I watch on the tele are FoodNetwork, HBO, and Fox Movies. If nothing's good to watch on either of them, is try to busy myself with something. 
  15. I failed some of the subjects in my diploma and repeat the courses and alhamdulillah I've passed it. Everyone have their hard times in school and seriously no one is perfect. I tried my best in everything I do when it comes to my study and if that's what I get, alhamdulillah. InsyaAllah there will be a way for me to get what I want. 
  16. Still trying and learning to be the best I can be about myself and my faith in everything. I believe in Allah's will and the way Rasulullah SAW handle stuff. With the guide and help from Allah, may I be able to follow His Prophet's Sunnah and His rules. 
  17. I learned Deutsch all by myself through a lot of reading, speaking, and watching videos (still have to learn more) and used to learn Japanese through anime and some jDramas. 
  18. I love love love to sing! not a pro but yeah. Just sing and let it all out hehe
  19. I have a thing with vampires, weird zombie and mummy dolls, wolves and huskies, mermaids and a bit of dark fashion
  20. I love extreme outdoors but I also love to stay indoors. So a bit of both in every way is fun!✌
 there you go! some facts about me. well, i'll try to write more soon especially since my laptop is now near me. Tschuss!

Wednesday, 7 May 2014

Note To Self : God is always there for you

because sometimes you'll get lost and i think this is one of the ways to be focus :)


If you want to focus more on Allah in your prayers, focus more on Him outside your prayers.Allah gave us the standard to live by when He instructed: "Say! Indeed my prayers, my sacrifices, my living and my dying are for Allah, Lord of all the worlds." (al-An'aam, 6:162)


"All aspects of our lives should lived in a way pleasing to God. Living righteously is living Islam." - Dr Bilal

being girly

Hello there lovelies!
haha and i actually didn't even write a single post right after every damn time i wanted to keep on posting. sigh. sorry guys.

anyways, just to let you know.... i wore a skirt the other day!  I ACTUALLY WORE A SKIRT! :D and i felt a bit girly because i don't normally wear one hahaha. and guess what? i actually bought a skirt on that very same day. lolzzzzz. so i guess its an improvement maybe...? i don't know. haha

honestly, these past few months, well not few but many month hehe, i love love love wearing dresses with cardigans or jacket or jubah-like dress because its comfortable and mah legs are completely free to breathe well hahah. and Mr Teddy agrees with me wearing skirt even if he's not used to it but i'm okay with it. as long as he and my brother approves whatever i wear, then i'm perfectly fine with it ;) yup. Mr Teddy and Anwar are my dressing advisor when it comes to how labuh. Fashion confidence gurlllllll. werk it! as my sister would say x)

oh! and now i finally get a hang with mah sort of new laptop. finally get to make the tags that i used to put in photos or simply just for reference in stuff hehehe. so, happy mina is very happy but at the same time, right now i'm very hungry. i guess that's all for today...? 
haha okay. see ya! 

Wednesday, 9 April 2014

trying to be positive and motivated

woohoo! my first entry for 2014 :P 
it was my last semester so all i did for this blog was only decorating and stuff and it would be when i'm on my laptop. because i'm usually on twitter, facebook and instagram made me feel sorry for living my blog behind. same goes for my tumblr. so yup. here i am updating stuff happened to me these past few months. 

anyways, i've just finished my diploma last Sunday and i still cant believe i did it. Right after that, here i am. in the office. currently being my dad's office PA. did all the letters, payment vouchers, copies and stuff here. whew. it was an easy task really but it's in a office. came here for like around 9-11 am and go back home after 2 pm or so because i didnt have much to do here. so around 3-5 hours are my time in the office and after that, a time for myself. sometimes i went to pick up Anwar from school. well not sometimes though but its like my job now really and its tiring! driving all the way around but i'm thinking Allah have plans for me so i'm trying my best to do everything that i can. 

and now that i'm taking MUET again i've to study my english as well. hence, this blog. i'll be writing more from now on. whenever i'm free from work in the office. i'll try to write stuff 5 times a week because these are the times in the office? haha yeah. i'll try because i need to improve my english. talking too. been thinking about how i could improve it and i think the best way is for me to take/post videos (if i dared myself to) of me talking with stuff. i think this is the best way for me because i dont have friends to talk to here. well except my sister from phone. oh god i miss her. hope she's doing well for her first year finals! love you and you'll always be on my prayer! xoxo :*

i think thats all for today. hopefully there will be more tomorrow. cheers!