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Monday, 6 November 2017

let’s do this!

And you tried to change, didn’t you? Closed your mouth more. Tried to be softer, prettier, less volatile, less awake... you can’t make homes out of humN beings. Someone should have already told you that. And if he wants to leave, then let him leave. You are terrifying, and strange, and beautiful. Something not everyone knows how to love. 
Dear faghah sent me that quote. Sebak jap semalam ahahah

I have come to the point where i don’t care anymore. I mean, i love you but even if you were not mine, i’m okay with it. Insya Allah. Allah knows what’s best for me. And later, if its meant to be, it will be. You were the greatest gift Allah had given to me. Knowing you was the best damn thing ever. I should focus more on my studies and love life is not meant for me because i know i care too much. I love too much. I should have learned that from my past experience. I guess you were the only person who knows me really well. You were my bestfriend, my dear, my heart. I appreciate that dearly though. But then again, thank you for everything. All the memories shall be with me all the ways ☺️

I pray the best for you and many good things comes to you. May Allah ease your journey and give you health and wealth. If you still wanted to talk, i’m always here. Where i’ll be. 

With love,
SAP x

Sunday, 5 November 2017

i ____ you

i wonder what if you miss me like i miss you?
i miss you dearly but wouldnt even dare to text you because i thought i should give you some space.
but then, i thought what if there is no us no more? after all the space, you really do decided to went separate ways. 
the thought of it broke me.i admit i was wrong about everything and i hate that i'm being eaten with all the guilts and "what if"s
i know God is with me. Allah is with me. 
i know Allah loves me more than you do.
but should i even question myself 
why do i feel pain? 
why should i care?why?
i am still trying to handle life behind this curtains. 
i made my myself okay every time i'm out from my room. 
i hate this. 
i hate myself for this. 
i hate that i still cry for you.
i hate that i miss you.
i hate that i actually love you. 
i hate that i beg to even look at you one last time. 
i hate myself for that. 
i dont know if i am still in your thoughts.
all i know i was a burden to you.
a psychopath.
i don't know if i could live as normal as i should.
this hit me hard and i'm a sucker for it. 
i lowered down my ego for you that time. i really did.
because i know how sorry i was. 
they said i should relax more and just let it be.
maybe i should. maybe. 

Saturday, 4 November 2017

Smile

I never thought that you would be my favourite smile.
Been looking back through my Live Photos and i realised they were all of you.
And the memories really had me through.
One really does made me miss you even more.
It showed your smile.
Your laugh. the genuine laughter.
Your dimples. one of my favourite features of yours.
I guess you didn't know it was my favourite.
The one that always takes my breath away.
I wouldn't know where the future will lead us
But I do know for sure, that there is a high possibility i would never see that smile again.
My favourite smile.

- SAP x


Sunday, 16 April 2017

not really into it recently

sebenarnya sudah pasrah dengan bab jodoh ni sebab bagi aku, kalau betullah kau mau aku, buat cara kau mau aku. as in, jumpa family aku terus. malas mau fikir benda-benda couple ni. sebab apa guna couple bertahun-tahun pastu end up nda jadi. mungkin ya kita di bagi masa tu untuk kenal manusia, juga mungkin mengenal cintaNya, kasih sayangNya. tapi once kau suda kena, kau jadi malas mau adakan hubungan dengan orang. and jumpa family aku tu bukan as in kau datang jumpa menghadap dorang bagitau ja kau mau aku, apalah tu begitu tu? macam orang lain nda boleh rembat terus tetiba. bukan apa tapi sebab aku malas mau bercinta, aku berpegang teguh dengan cinta lepas nikah. sebelum nikah ni................

tapi hairan dengan manusia yang kita bagitau kita ndamau pun ada semua tu, dia tetap insist yakin benda semua tu akan jadi. lagi-lagi bila dengan yakinnya dia cakap kau tu girlfriend dia. hold on a minute...like whaaat?! aku jadi malas mau respond. lepas tu bukan satu orang pernah cakap ni dengan aku, which really scares me. tapi wonder juga, aku ada lead on ka jantan ni sampai dia ingat begitu? biarpun tiada kata-kata official mengiakan benda ni. membuatkan aku untuk menjarakkan diri lagi dengan lelaki.

kadang mungkin ya aku pandai tercari-cari sebab sudah hari-hari contact, nda kau tercari-cari? mungkin aku punya salah juga kali cara aku cakap dengan dia membuatkan dia rasa aku ni boleh dikatakan "sah" dia punya. which is sebenarnya kepantangan aku kalau orang anggap aku ni dia "punya". sumpah annoyed gila. mana lagi aku ada bagitau dia supaya jangan give up. haih mina. ketuk kepala kau. so, mungkin the blame on me juga.

recently aku tetiba stop contact this one guy. sebab aku nda mau lead on? dia mungkin ingat aku marah dia tapi nda pun sebenarnya. aku just ndamau ada sesuatu yang mengikat? free ka apa. hahaha. mungkin mau hapuskan kali. tapi aku pun penat dengan lelaki. lagi-lagi kalau sudah meluah, apa lagi meluah dari message. bagi aku, bukan lelaki kalau mau luahkan semua tu dari message or facebook etc. mungkin aku oldschool tapi, yep, lebih prefer begitu.

honestly, kalau mau jadi kawan, silakan. tiada siapa yang halang. tapi kalau mau lebih dari tu, rasanya aku nda perlu tau kali? sebab kalau betul mau, macam aku bagitau awal-awal tadi, terus masuk meminang. hahaha. biarlah aku mengenali sesiapa pun kau lepas nikah. cehh hahaha.

ni jala, baik buruk biar macam manapun orang tu, doakan ja la yang terbaik untuk dia and untuk diri aku sendiri. kadang instinct sendiri tu kuat. jadi, aku lebihkan instinct aku kalau dalam benda begini. sebab hati manusia sering berbolak balik. daripada kita sakit lagi, bagus kita prevent. hahaha. sesungguhnya mendekatkan diri ke jalan Allah dan Rasul SAW lebih baik dari mendekatkan diri sesama manusia.

rasanya ni coretan panjang aku. taip di sini manatau mungkin ada yang berpendapat sama aku or mungkin ada pendapat lain, bolehla kongsi-kongsi. hahaha

Saturday, 15 April 2017

#Cover Perfect - Ed Sheeran

well hello to whoever read this hahaha. as the title said, this post will be about my recent cover after so many years of not posting full covers. i did covers but only posted them in instagram. hence, its just a 1 min cover. 

anyway, this song really hits me, though i dont have a partner or anything, the lyrics are just perf! 

any comments please do let me know. need them to improve myself. so, enjoy watching or merely listening!


 
 
Thanks to song2piano for the instrumental song. i love it!

Wednesday, 18 January 2017

new year, new me? nah!

Hi guys. happy 2017. a bit late but hehh. happy new year :P

anyways, setelah sekian lama blog ni terbiar. paling last pun post pasal tugas di uni. kalau tidak, tidakla tu aku buat apa apa dalam blog ni. ohya and i decided to mix languages according to what i wanted to post. something like this, di mana aku campur ja English to Malay. like how i think. sebab honestly? my mind tidak dalam satu bahasa saja. kadang campur campur. so, why not kan? sebelum ni rasa the need to improve my english and i need to write more tapi tidak pun aku banyak tulis tulis hahaha. mina, minaa. jadi, conclusion dia, suka hati kau la mina. yang penting orang boleh faham apa kau tulis. itu pun kalau orang baca apa kau tulis *cough*loser*cough*

still tahun baru and masih jomblo tegar. mungkinlah because you never know what might come in the future. tapi so far, alhamdulillah. tiada jugalah kecewa sampai mau bunuh diri. masih waras lagi. sakit tu perkara biasalah. masing masing boleh tau apa rasa dia. tidakkanlah aku mau explain panjang panjang sinikan? pandai pandailah kamu.

some things i've learned from last year tapi nanti nanti la aku share. but basically, that's how life is. ada masa kau happy, ada masa kau sedih, ada masa kau tetiba gila, and ada masa kau be life idgaf. apa orang kata tu tidak payahlah mau kisah sangat. yang penting kau tau apa kau buat and kau yakin Allah tau apa kau buat. dari situ kau boleh berjaga jaga la kan.

so, selama berapa tahun sudah di Indonesia ni, bahasa pun macam macam sudah di belajar and masih lagi belajar sekarang. hahaha. English Malay tu mestilah. Indonesia boleh boleh sudah. Jawa? masih belajar lagi tapi bolehlah faham faham sikit. Ganu Klate sekarang jarang sudah but paling latest Kedah la. since Syud sebelum ni pun banyak ajar and now Nabil pun ajar ajar juga. boleh la try try. kononnya la. tapi mostly kalau depan depan pun dengan dorang ni, memang aku diam ja la sebab observe cara cakap dorang. hahaha.

resolution tahun ni? hmm.. biarlah sendiri ja yang tau sebab of course masing masing adakan? nanti lain hari kalau rajin, aku share la juga. kalau pasal blog ni, ingat mau merajinkan diri untuk post more. tapi we'll see how it goes.