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Monday, 6 November 2017

let’s do this!

And you tried to change, didn’t you? Closed your mouth more. Tried to be softer, prettier, less volatile, less awake... you can’t make homes out of humN beings. Someone should have already told you that. And if he wants to leave, then let him leave. You are terrifying, and strange, and beautiful. Something not everyone knows how to love. 
Dear faghah sent me that quote. Sebak jap semalam ahahah

I have come to the point where i don’t care anymore. I mean, i love you but even if you were not mine, i’m okay with it. Insya Allah. Allah knows what’s best for me. And later, if its meant to be, it will be. You were the greatest gift Allah had given to me. Knowing you was the best damn thing ever. I should focus more on my studies and love life is not meant for me because i know i care too much. I love too much. I should have learned that from my past experience. I guess you were the only person who knows me really well. You were my bestfriend, my dear, my heart. I appreciate that dearly though. But then again, thank you for everything. All the memories shall be with me all the ways ☺️

I pray the best for you and many good things comes to you. May Allah ease your journey and give you health and wealth. If you still wanted to talk, i’m always here. Where i’ll be. 

With love,
SAP x

Sunday, 5 November 2017

i ____ you

i wonder what if you miss me like i miss you?
i miss you dearly but wouldnt even dare to text you because i thought i should give you some space.
but then, i thought what if there is no us no more? after all the space, you really do decided to went separate ways. 
the thought of it broke me.i admit i was wrong about everything and i hate that i'm being eaten with all the guilts and "what if"s
i know God is with me. Allah is with me. 
i know Allah loves me more than you do.
but should i even question myself 
why do i feel pain? 
why should i care?why?
i am still trying to handle life behind this curtains. 
i made my myself okay every time i'm out from my room. 
i hate this. 
i hate myself for this. 
i hate that i still cry for you.
i hate that i miss you.
i hate that i actually love you. 
i hate that i beg to even look at you one last time. 
i hate myself for that. 
i dont know if i am still in your thoughts.
all i know i was a burden to you.
a psychopath.
i don't know if i could live as normal as i should.
this hit me hard and i'm a sucker for it. 
i lowered down my ego for you that time. i really did.
because i know how sorry i was. 
they said i should relax more and just let it be.
maybe i should. maybe. 

Saturday, 4 November 2017

Smile

I never thought that you would be my favourite smile.
Been looking back through my Live Photos and i realised they were all of you.
And the memories really had me through.
One really does made me miss you even more.
It showed your smile.
Your laugh. the genuine laughter.
Your dimples. one of my favourite features of yours.
I guess you didn't know it was my favourite.
The one that always takes my breath away.
I wouldn't know where the future will lead us
But I do know for sure, that there is a high possibility i would never see that smile again.
My favourite smile.

- SAP x