Wednesday, 7 September 2011


Finally, my teddy bear is accepted. I wish him good luck in taking care for the bear cuz I asked him to take care of it like he take cares of himself.  I’m sure he can do that very well. I also hope that he would bring that bear to his college >.< haa! I hope all is well for him. May God bless him and make sure that he would be fine. All the best for his final examination soon and I hope he’s happy with the bear ^^

It's complicated

I have a complicated love life actually. Yes, I’m single. Not double or triple or whatever. Come to think of it I’ve been single for 3 years now. I know there are those who’ve been single longer than me. but hey, this is my story xD
All of the names you see here is not real. You may think it is but is not. I don’t want to give out names and let people know who’s this and who’s that. So yes, the names are not real. And for those who think they know who I’m talking about, keep it to yourself. Thank you J\

I didn’t notice those who have been around me had a crush on me for quite a long time. My mom, who’s very experience in love and has the instinct of a mother, knows who likes me and who’s not.
So here it all began when I have a problem last semester where a guy from my class named Nicky confessed to me that he likes me and he wants me to be the love of his life. Said that he’ll change just for me ‘cause he thought I’m his. Then came along a girl – who after all this time betrayed me – trying her ‘best’ to make me accept this guy. Keep saying that no man will ever do that to me and all that. *sigh*. The truth is I don’t have feelings for this guy. To me, he’s only a friend of mine who I know from class. Yes, he is nice but he’s nothing that made me giddy when I saw him. Besides, my mom said he’s not for me. So when my mom say stuff like that, you’ll have to accept it ‘cause everything she said is true. It’s not just I accepted the facts, I truly believe her actually. 

Second, there are two guys from my high school classmate who’s still, I was told, had a crush on me. The first is Nathaniel and Denny. Nathaniel is a very rich handsome dude who I admired back in my high school years. He’s not only rich with ka-ching!, he’s also really good to me. I didn’t noticed this when my mom told me. After all doing the thinking, I remembered that he would do anything for me.  Whatever I want, he’ll try to get it for me and I always felt embarrassed about that. I always pay him back with him don’t even realizing I’m paying him back. Sharing foods with him, giving gifts etc.  He even gave me a song that really has a deep and beautiful meaning and the worst part is that I realize what it means yesterday after two years he’s been giving me the song. I still love the song. It’s on my evergreen list. I cried when I know what it means but I think it’s really too late to say it all. So I keep it all to myself. 

As for Denny, he’s my best friend from high school. He is still now. I play with him, talk to him if I have a problem, hang out with him and share foods and water like all other best friends do. I did realize that he was asking me a question in class when we listening music from his mobile phone using an ear phone. Then a song titled Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat was heard. He asked me that is it okay if best friends became more than that and I answered no ‘cause to me best friend is a best friend. Not more than that. I can think of it when my best friend is up to a next level. After that, he introduced me another song from Samson called Tak Bisa Memiliki. It was great song actually and I like it but at that time I didn’t listen to the meaning of the song. I was enjoying the music and all that. The song was about a guy who loves this girl but he can’t have her and he’ll still be there for her and love her even though he can’t have her. That’s for short I think. My mom said if I do all the sweet talk to him, he’ll definitely come to me and leave his girl but as his best friend I would never ever do that to him. I love him yes but as my best friend. I will never even dare try to hurt him ‘cause we’ll always be best friends no matter what. 

Now, it’s Adrian. Adrian is a really nice guy. He’s older than me that’s for sure but I don’t know how old is he. He’s funny and smart too. He’s a guy I know from college. I don’t know what to say about him actually ‘cause I know that he is a great guy and maybe, just maybe, he has feelings for me ‘cause I can sensed it but I didn’t dare to ask him. So for now, we’re still friends. Nothing out of the weirdness zone. 

Lastly, it’s Henry. A guy I’ve known my whole life but never even talk to him face-to-face. Not even look, a smile or greet each other whenever we meet. I think I was trained not to be in contact with him in person. We only talked through phone and Facebook. To shorten things up, my family and his wanted us to be together. That’s all. No further explanation ‘cause I don’t want to cause riot. 

So here are the boys in my life after all I’ve been through. Choosing one of them is hard and now I’m letting faith do their work ‘cause I really don’t want let my heart hurt for the second time. Zest would be the last one who I gave my trust, my whole heart and use it to hurt me. That will be no more. For now, i’ll just do my job as a student who wanted to be a successful doctor and be professional when i’m doing my job who can speak fluently in German, my all time favourite language other than Arab and French, and who also can play guitar really well. That’s all!

I want to be a HUMANOID

It’s raining here at night. I could hear the sound of rain drops from my window while the winds are whistling making music to my ears. It was supposed to be calming. It was actually but my mind keeps on running all that just happened.  Figuring whether was it real or not. So now I’m starring at my laptop like it can give me answers to everything. Like it knows how I feel. Oh sometimes I wish I was part human part robot. A humanoid. That’s what it is. I could be mindless. I will stop thinking into everything. Stop all this nonsense stuff that I could fantasize which is not real. Stop from hurting deep inside me and I’ll only give my heart to those who I really care. My family, my friends. Those who are always be there by my side. Even if they cursed me, laugh at my mistakes, it doesn’t hurt me in the inside because I know they don’t mean it. We were just having fun. But when it comes to someone who you care but ignore everything you do to make them feel okay, that made me hurt not physically but emotionally. To make me feel better, I let it go though it really upset me a lot but life must go on. Like water from pipes, it doesn’t go back to where it comes from. It goes directly to wherever it is set to be. So does life. And now, I’m letting go of something that will never be mine. And I’ll keep on praying to let Him show me the way so I won’t misguidedly take the wrong path. I learned my lesson for all that happened to me. I will never hurt myself ever again. That’s why I wished I was a humanoid.

Teddy Bear

Ohmygosh! Ohmygosh! Ohmygosh! I gave him a gift. I gave him a gift for his birthday! Well it’s a simple gift and his birthday is tomorrow  actually. you wanna know what I gave him? A teddy bear. A F-R-E-A-K-I-N-G T-E-D-D-Y B-E-A-R! I gave a teddy bear to a guy! It’s a cute teddy bear to me. my cousins even agreed with it. Even my guy cousin. I asked him that is it okay that I gave a teddy bear and he said “well to me it’s okay. I don’t mind people giving teddy bear” and I was like =.=” that’s not the answer I want. My other cousin said “why don’t give him a shirt?” and I said, “ okay. Help me choose. I’m not good with choosing”. So we went up stairs of the shop finding some shirts and end up none was great. Besides, I’m not sure what his size is. I haven’t seen him for a very long time. So we stick by giving him the teddy bear with a black box that I think it was nice and a little birthday card. 

Technically, I didn’t gave him face to face cuz he’s not there. So I gave it to his mom, who I always called ummi. Ummi was fine. She’s getting thinner and paler actually. so was Kak Giging. She was doing really fine. Oh god only knows how much I miss her. The feeling of talking through Facebook was not the same as talking to her face to face. she’s nice as always. Even though we are not related, we were close. She’s also 3 years older than me. but I love her as my family. And then, her youngest brother, Wafi. He looks a lot like his father. Exactly the same on the outside. The thing I really envy when it comes to him is his eye lashes. His lashes are so long, so thick and so curly! It’s like every girls dreaming to have lashes like his. And his lashes are natural. No extensions no nothing. Anyway, why would guys wear eye lashes extension?

So yeah, I gave the gift to his mother. Not knowing how’s he been doing. And I’ll just have to wish him tonight at midnight. Texting would be the enough right? I think I’ll be saying short things to him. Wishing him having a blast and stuff like that :D
I guess that’s all for now.

Happy Eid' Mubarak!

Hi y’all!
I just wanna wish . . .


Okay. I want every Muslims to enjoy this Syawal with happiness and not sadness. I wish you all the best for every open house, kenduri and stuff. Drive safely on the road. Have a great time with your relatives and enjoy the moment cuz you’ll never know whether you’d still be there again or not. So enjoy it, make it alive!
And I’m really, really sorry if I made a mistake to you. No matter what kind of negative stuff like hurt your feelings, hurt you physically etc. I am truly SORRY!
Happy Eid Fitr everyone!