sometimes I think part of my life can be summarize in a song and the song that would describe it well would be Reflection from Disney's Mulan.

Look at me, I may never pass for a perfect bride, or a perfect daughter. Can it be,
I'm not meant to play this part? Now I see, that if I were truly to be myself,
I would break my family's heart.
Who is that girl I see, staring straight back at me? Why is my reflection someone I don't know? Who is that perfect bride? It's not me, though I've tried.
When will my reflection show, who I am, inside?
How I pray, that a time will come,
I can free myself, from their expectations
On that day, I'll discover someway to be myself,
and to make my family proud. They want a docile lamb,
No-one knows who I am.
Must there be a secret me,
I'm forced to hide?
Must I pretend that I am someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show, who I am inside?
When will my reflection show, who I am inside?

I know that nobody's perfect but sometimes - from what I've experienced - people wanted you to be that perfect in everything even when they didn't meant it that way. you could listen to their words describing how you should be and how you should act. Its tiring really. especially when you're the first daughter in my side of the family and you didn't achieve anything while your siblings can get what they want.

i just hope things will get better for me. May Allah will always guide me to His and the right path with the bless of by loving His Prophet's Muhammad SAW.  i think i need a bit of strength to handle my life. Aamiin Ya Rabb.